Yep, we’re into our 31st week! Can’t you tell how happy I am in this ridiculous picture from yesterday?
Perhaps not such a wide stance next time?
And yes, that is a denim shirt/dress I’m wearing. Mr. H is slightly humored by my half Canadian tuxedo as a choice for the office yesterday but I was just proud of myself for making it into clothes and out the door. Also, yes, I am getting big. Very observant.
So. What’s new around here?
This week is apparently the week I start to turn into a troll. Really excited about that.
I have battled the Germans in three major battles this week–1. Telekom, the scum of the phone and internet industry here, borderline Comcast, those sketchy fucks, but not quite on that hatred level yet because I’ve dealt with Comcast for 15 years and they deserve a special version of hell that Telekom hasn’t quite got coming to them yet. 2. Apple for just being so fucking elitist with their hipster geniuses and stupid jazzy gadgets and inability to help me with my phone until NEXT WEEK OH MY GOD HOW CAN YOU DEPRIVE A PREGNANT WOMAN OF HER PHONE THAT IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND DANGEROUS OF YOU, APPLE. 3. German hospitals that don’t speak English and tell me not to worry, if no one that day happens to speak English, we “will do our best with hand motions.” Also, I can start mentally preparing myself to share a room with 3 other women who just shot screaming children out of their ripped vaginas and spend 4 days with them in a group room, engaging in peaceful sounding German conversation and an endless supply of tubed meat meals. Perfect. Not stressful at all.
I finished another exercise and another 250 hours in 2 1/2 weeks. I am PUMPED to be home. No, I have no idea if I’m staying here for another year and no I have no idea if I’m moving home and yes, I’m just happy to have a paycheck.
Speaking of paychecks and people not being productive at work, Congress can fuck themselves. I already knew they were lazy and delusional–after all, I did work there, but this is getting to be so humiliating. Also, I didn’t ask to have to work for 3 other people while they sit around fucking off for god knows how long. God. Our country is a damned mess.
Cap’n Crunch and donuts have replaced cookies. For now.
I have 67 weeks days to get everything ready and make sure my life resembles that of someone who has their shit together and is capable of raising a child. Wait. Kids don’t know you’re a liar or a hypocrite or a mess until they register memories around the age of four, right? I have at least until the age of four to look like I know what I’m doing and no one will call bullshit on me until then? Magic. I need magic.
Someone (more than one person, actually) sent me a few links to things I’ve written and mentioned it’s so funny how I used to hate children and now I’m having one. I’m confused. I never said I like kids now. Did I say that? I don’t want anyone to be tricked into thinking I’ve changed drastically. Sure. My hair looks nice and this 280 days of rehab is amaaaaaaazing but c’mon, everyone. I still fucking hate kids. I’m just hoping mine is really bad ass and proves me wrong. He’ll be on a trial period for acceptance, no worries.
I’ll leave you with this week’s real prego pic.
Snark not intended. Just a result of being awkward while figuring out how to maximize my pose while not looking like a gigantic monster every day at 0700.
